Are you an enabler or are you an empower-er?
Empowering teaches someone how to do something.
Enabling does it for them.
Each generation tries to make life just a little bit easier on their children. Our grandparents tried to make our parent’s lives better than what our grandparents had; our parents tried to give us more than what they had; and we often want to make our children’s lives easier than ours was. It all begins with a well-intentioned desire to help. Unfortunately, this help has come in the form of enabling and we have arrived at a generation of entitlement. When someone does something to hurt our children, the parents run to their defense and rather than allowing them to learn lessons from the experience, they are taught that they are a victim of life and other people’s actions, which shows them that they do not have to be accountable for their behavior because what happens TO them is always someone else’s fault.
Empowering teaches that there are consequences to actions and choices.
Enabling often eliminates the consequences of one’s behavior.
Remember that if anyone does not take advantage of the opportunities to learn lessons as they come, they will get another chance. And another, and another, and another. If they continue to ignore those experiences, the later opportunities are often much more severe. It is often less traumatic for a child to learn a lesson at age 10 than at age 20, or at 18 than at 30.
Enabling occurs with more than just children. We can enable employees, bosses, friends, siblings, spouses, and even parents.
Empowering creates independence.
Enabling creates dependence.
Any situation in which you have the choice to empower or enable is an opportunity to learn lessons and to Heal. If you are fixing the problem for the person, you are denying them the opportunity to learn the lessons they were meant to learn from the situation, which means that they WILL get another chance.
Empowering is helping someone through the experience
while allowing them to take responsibility for his or her situation.
Enabling attempts to ease the circumstances for them
and you often end up taking the responsibility on yourself.
Because you are the one accepting responsibility for taking care of them, enabling often creates resentment, regret, frustration, etc. because they now expect you to bail them out, solve their problems, or do it for them. Enabling means you have not given them the opportunity to do it themselves.
Empowering allows others to be accountable for their life.
Enabling puts the accountability for their life on you.
Enabling: when helping isn’t necessarily what's best.
When you have a choice to help someone, decide if you are going to empower or enable. Ask yourself,
“Is what I’m doing keeping the person stuck in the negativity of life or is it helping him/her make his/her life better?”
Your life is what I call your Spiritual Course™. In your Mind you will find the map to what appears in your life because what goes on in your Mind gives energy direction and the emotions triggered by what goes on in your Mind gives energy power.
Your Mind is your consciousness, your subconsciousness, and your unconsciousness. It includes the thoughts, beliefs, judgments, expectations, opinions, etc. that you are aware of and those that you are not.
If only you would realize that all of those negative thoughts, beliefs, judgments, expectations, opinions, etc. you try so hard to ignore are sending the energy in the direction of what you don't want, and if you just paid attention to what is REALLY going through your Mind, it would give you clues as to why you experience many less-than-desirable things.
Everything in your Mind gives energy direction--
whether you HONOR it or not!
Become aware of what is going on in your Mind that is attracting what you don’t want and use the Infinite Healing™ tools to HEAL. HEAL what creates what you don't want so you can naturally attract the things you DO want!
May your HEALING flow in Unconditional Love & Unconditional Gratitude™.
Life can change with one phone call, one appointment, or one road trip. You never know what is going to happen. It’s been said that you are not guaranteed tomorrow but in all reality, you are not guaranteed anything beyond this moment. So…
ENGAGE in everything you do and be present in what is going on NOW,
HEAL the negative when it appears, and
ENJOY each and every moment of life!
Engage in life: if you are having a face-to-face conversation while texting, you are NOT engaged in either conversation. Make a conscious effort to give your full attention to everything you are doing at any given moment. When you are present in each and every moment, you remember more!
HEALING the negative is much different than ignoring it, pretending it isn’t there, or just changing your focus to something positive. Every less-than-desirable experience you have presents opportunities to learn lessons—so learn those lessons and transform all Sources of everything you’re really feeling about them to Unconditional Love and Unconditional Gratitude™—that’s how you Truly HEAL!
It can be a challenge to really ENJOY the little moments in life when the negativity from the past keeps creeping in. Ignoring it doesn’t mean it’s not still there, affecting you and your life. Use the Infinite Healing™ tools to HONOR and HEAL. When you HEAL the negative, the joyful moments in your life are more abundant!
ENGAGE, HEAL, ENJOY! What are you waiting for?
Your beliefs are developed from family, friends, society, and your experiences. They are nothing more than opinions that you trust and are often passed down from generation to generation (which means that beliefs are hereditary). Beliefs are extremely powerful and give energy very strong direction and force.
If you experience something or are told something and have no reason to dis-believe or doubt the information, it can settle into your subconsciousness or unconsciousness as being TRUE, which creates a belief that in many instances you may not even know is there.
Ask yourself: Is it our belief, or is it my belief? Does that belief resonate with me? Does that belief make sense to me? Is that belief worth me believing in?
Whatever you believe is TRUE for YOU!
If a child witnesses racism, especially from someone they hold in high regard (like a mother, father, grandparent, etc.), they learn to believe that judging someone for the color of their skin or for the slant of their eyes or for their nationality is okay. Judgment of others attracts judgment of you. You must HEAL the instinct to judge others!
If you learned that money is always a struggle, financial abundance may be difficult to come by. You must HEAL the belief that money is always a struggle because telling yourself that you are worthy of financial abundance doesn't change your belief!
If you perceived or were told that you were never good enough, you might believe that you’re not good enough. No matter how many times you tell yourself that you ARE good enough, it does not change the deep-seated belief that you are not and may never be. You must HEAL the belief that you're not good enough and create a new belief that you ARE good enough.
If one day you ate tomatoes and got heartburn, you may have developed a belief that tomatoes cause heartburn. Therefore, each time you eat tomatoes you experience heartburn. Because of this belief, you leave very little chance for your Body to re-act differently. You must HEAL the belief that does not support your desires to give your Body a chance to do something different!
On the other hand, if you have been able to find a job effortlessly, you believe that getting a job is easy. If you have always had the money you needed, you may never doubt that you’ll always have the money you need. If you pick up on new things quickly, you believe that learning is easy.
Either way, beliefs are very powerful and create many things in your life. Are your beliefs creating what you want or are they interfering with you having what you want?
Assess what beliefs support your desires and HEAL the ones that don't! The faster you HEAL the ones that create what you don't want, the faster you can have what you do want!
Find more information on the power of beliefs and how to HEAL them in the book Infinite Healing™: Empowering You to HEAL the Negative So the Positive Can Flow Naturally! (pgs. 101-102, 134-136).
Helping others, doing things for others, taking care of others, etc. makes you feel good; makes you feel needed; makes you feel wanted. It is like filling a bag with water. When you do something for others because you want to, it adds water to your bag.
Neglecting yourself, putting yourself last, and doing things for others out of obligation or "because you have to" creates negativity in your Spirit, Mind, Heart, and Body, and puts holes in your bag. Holes in your bag drain the water (Joy) that’s in your bag. In this analogy, it does not matter how much you water you put in, if you do not fill the holes, your bag can never accumulate water. It is like a never-ending task.
Taking care of yourself, doing things for yourself, and making yourself a priority does not have to be selfish. In fact, doing these fill the holes in your bag as if they were never there, and they contribute positive energy to your Spirit, Mind, Heart, and Body.
If you are not willing to make yourself a priority, it can be a challenge to attract those who will. Besides, when you take care of yourself, you are much better able to help take care of others, and when you nurture yourself, your Spirit soars!
If you want to be at the top of others' priority list, start learning to put yourself at the top of your own! What message are YOU giving to others about your importance?
You are so much more important to this world than you realize, and everything you do contributes either positive or negative energy to the Universe. So, if you really want to see the world HEAL, you must begin with HEALING YOU!
Thoughts are continuously going through your Mind. Some of them make sense, and some of them seem random; some of them you're aware of, others you aren't. Thoughts give energy direction.
Your emotions are triggered from your thoughts. If you feel like someone has done something TO you, negative emotions are triggered. Emotions give energy power.
Because what you feel is triggered by what you think, you do not choose your emotions. You do, however, get to choose what you do with them. Regardless of what you opt to do with them, know that if you think it, it’s out there and if you feel it, it’s there. This means that your every thought and emotion is contributing either positive or negative energy to the Universe—whether you want it to or not, and whether you HONOR it or not.
Traditionally, we haven't known what to do with those negative thoughts or the emotions that follow so we either ignore, deny, or suppress them, change our focus to something positive, or release, clear, or try to let go and move on. In all of these cases, the negative is still adversely affecting the energy of the Universe.
If you really want to make a positive impact on the world, start using the Infinite Healing™ tools to HEAL the negative within YOU, because HEALING of the energy of the Universe begins with HEALING YOU!
Your reaction to situations is instinctive. You don't choose how you react, it just happens. If you think you have been wronged, you have; if you feel anger, you are angry; and if it matters to you, it matters! Stop trying to justify why you think the way you think and feel the way you feel. Stop trying to convince yourself that you shouldn't think "that" or feel "that" way. Stop telling yourself that it doesn't matter!
The important thing to remember is that when a negative emotion is triggered, YOU have an opportunity to HEAL, and if you don't HEAL it, that negative energy stays within you whether you want it to or not. (The first 3 Infinite Healing™ tools are designed to help you HEAL the negative. It really is quite simple.)
It's time to start HONORING what you really think and what you really feel. It's time to start HEALING the negative instead of ignoring it. It's time to start being TRULY positive instead of just pretending you are.
What you feel is triggered by what you are thinking (whether you HONOR it or not), and the energy of those thoughts and emotions is what you are putting into everything you are doing.
If your thoughts and emotions are negative, you will be contributing lower-level energy to what you are doing; if your thoughts and emotions are positive, you will be contributing higher-level energy to what you are dong. Keep in Mind, however, that if you are having negative thoughts and feelings, just forcing your thoughts to a positive will not necessarily shift your energy higher as quickly as you might want. That is why it is more effective to use the Infinite Healing™ tools to HEAL the negative so the positive can flow naturally.
Cooking in our house is never allowed if the cook is grumpy or mad because that energy goes into the food. This concept applies to absolutely everything in life: gardening, art, working, writing, paying bills, driving, sports, watching the news, etc. and is explained in detail in the Infinite Healing™ book under Principle #2: Everything is Influenced by Energy (pages 39-46).
Become aware of the energy are you REALLY putting into what you are doing because that is also the frequency you are contributing to the Universe.
In Unconditional Love & Unconditional Gratitude™,
You don't choose how you feel. Your emotions are instinctively triggered by your thoughts. You do, however, get to choose what you do with those emotions.
I learned a long time ago to not give the negative any attention, because giving it attention gives it power. So I would ignore those lower-level thoughts and suppress what I was really feeling by focusing my attention to something positive, try to justify the experience, or by just deny that I thought what I thought and felt what I felt. Other times I would try to convince myself that I shouldn't feel that way, try to let go of it, clear it out of my energy field, release it into the Universe, or cancel the energy ("cancel, cancel, cancel").
What I didn't know was that the negative has power whether I HONOR it or not and that using these other means was just hiding the problem - masking the symptom like taking a pill for a headache.
When you use the Infinite Healing™ tools to HEAL, you HEAL your perspective and the emotions that were triggered, which prevents them from settling in the physical.
Now that I have learned the difference between ignoring the negative and HEALING the negative, I am not a victim of other people's actions, I can honestly say that I know what flowing in Unconditional Love & Unconditional Gratitude™ feels like, and I often smile just because life is awesome.
I hope you are able to learn the difference.
Like you radiate the same frequency as your energy, you also attract it. Unfortunately, it is easy to misinterpret what you are really sending out because when you get so good at ignoring or denying the negative, all you see is what you want, which is usually the positive.
To see your True vibration, pay attention to what you’re attracting. Every experience in your life gives you an indication of your vibration at that time. If you are continually encountering people or situations that trigger annoyance, irritation, anger, judgment, or any other negative emotion, your frequency is probably not as positive as you think.
Denying, suppressing, or ignoring the negative doesn’t mean it isn’t there! If you don’t HONOR it and take the time to HEAL it then, it stays in your energy and continually influences what you experience in your life.